He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
