I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
