Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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