please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize