Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
