Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
