when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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