Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
