I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
