I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
