I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
