im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
