Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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