looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
