My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
