In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
