I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He has the fingertips of a God
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