i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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