I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
