he shaved USA in his pubs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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