I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
