"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
