Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
