I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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