I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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