I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
