just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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