I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
