i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
