Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
