You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
