i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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