i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
