Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
