Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
