so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize