Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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