it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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