I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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