We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my liver is dry heaving
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
