Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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