wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
