so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
