I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
