I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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