Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
