For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
