i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize