It's Friday. Sex?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
