There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
