so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
third nipple confirmed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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