He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
