I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't turn off my feet"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
