I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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