she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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