YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
