Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
