i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
