NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
