I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
