I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
