She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
