Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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