I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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