I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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