So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
