Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
