in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
