Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
