Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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