He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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